I watch crappy movies so you don't have to.

Tuesday, December 30, 2014

The Best (And Worst) Of 2014

As 2014 comes to a close I'd like to thank all of you for allowing me to have one of the coolest jobs on the planet. Not only do I get to make people laugh every morning, but I also get to see a ton of amazing films and then get to talk about them.

And while it is a lot of fun, please know that I do not write here or do reviews on the radio and TV without giving a lot of thought to your time and hard-earned money. I try my best to look at every film with a clean slate and a fresh view so that I can give the most honest and respectful (to you) review that I can. 


I enjoy your feedback and engaging debates on whether a movie is good or not, the things you thought I got right and the things you know I got wrong. In the end all opinions are valid, because art is subjective and we all have our own tastes. 


Movies are an incredible art form. They are an amazing gift that hundreds of people have toiled over to give to us in the hopes that we will appreciate their hard work and sacrifice. Sometimes the gift makes us laugh until we cry, sometimes we cry so much we have to laugh, other times we walk away wishing we could get the last two hours of our lives back.


I hope you enjoyed the films of 2014 as much as I did, and here's to hoping my 2015 Top 10 Worst films will be a very difficult list to create.


Thank you, all!





The Best of 2014

Honorable Mentions: 

These films were great, just not great enough to crack my top 10.

FOXCATCHER 

HOW TO TRAIN YOUR DRAGON 2
LONE SURVIVOR
MALEFICENT



My Top 10 Films of 2014

10. WHAT IF

Rated: PG-13
Stars: Daniel Radcliffe, Zoe Kazan
Plot: A man tries to be friends with a woman who has a boyfriend.
Trailer


The chemistry between Daniel Radcliffe and Zoe Kazan is incredible. Their banter and non-verbal communications will make you smile throughout the movie, and there are several moments that will make you laugh out loud.

This is one of those sleeper films that seem to come out a couple of times a year that, for whatever reason, don't get traction among moviegoers, but are exceptional movies.


9. THE FAULT IN OUR STARS
Rated: PG-13
Stars: Shailene Woodley, Ansel Elgort, Nat Wolff
Plot: Two teens with cancer fall in love and learn how to live a beautiful, if short, life.
Trailer

For those of you out there who say, "ugh, I don't want to see some cancer death movie," don't be so quick to judge. In THE HUNGER GAMES kids killed kids, yes, but that wasn't what it was about. In TFIOS, teens are dying from cancer, but the story is about them living, and loving, to the fullest that they can in the short infinity they are given.


8. THE HUNGER GAMES: MOCKINGJAY PART 1
Rated: PG-13
Stars: Jennifer Lawrence, Josh Hutcherson, Liam Hemsworth, Donald Sutherland
Plot: Katniss must overcome her demons to help lead the revolution against President Snow and the Capitol.
Trailer

This film is dark, intense and brutal. If you are hoping to see a pretty Jennifer Lawrence, this is not the film for you. She is broken and beat down for nearly the entire film. Her portrayal of Katniss suffering in the depths of PTSD is spot on. At points it is almost difficult to watch because of the level of pain she is in.


7. THE JUDGE
Rated: R
Stars: Robert Downey Jr., Robert Duvall
Plot: A big-time lawyer returns to his home town and his estranged father, a judge, who is accused of murder.
Trailer

This film is powerful, intense and emotional. Downey Jr. and Duvall give masterful performances that are award-worthy and probably just shy of Oscar nominations.



6. THE LEGO MOVIE
Rated PG
Stars: Will Ferrell, Will Arnett, Elizabeth Banks
Plot: An average Lego construction worker leads the master-builders in a quest to stop Lord Business from ruining Lego life as they know it.
Trailer

This movie is very funny, the plot is interesting to kids and adults and there is a twist at the end that you will never see coming. It's funny, heart-warming and enjoyable for all ages.

Bonus: The STAR WARS cameo is awesome. Everything is awesome. (You'll understand that after you've seen the movie...in fact, that phrase will probably be stuck in your head for days).



5. GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY
Rated - PG-13
Stars: Chris Pratt, Zoe Saldana, Bradley Cooper
Plot: A misfit group is forced together and must use their skills to try to save the galaxy from a madman.
Trailer

This film is gut-bustingly funny, exciting, the plot is compelling and the chemistry between the cast is near perfect.

Children of the 80s will find this movie totally radical. For reasons that become clear in the movie, Peter Quill is essentially stuck in the 80s therefore all of his pop culture references are from that time period. It makes for some extremely funny moments.



4. BIRDMAN
Rated: R
Stars: Michael Keaton, Emma Stone, Zach Galifianakis, Edward Norton
Plot: An aging actor tries to revitalize his career by writing, directing and staring in a Broadway play.
Trailer

This is one of the most original films I've seen in a while. The way this movie is shot is so innovative and fun you can't help but to be mesmerized by it. The first 97% or so of the movie is shot with what is supposed to be a single camera, continuous shot. It is absolutely fascinating.

Aside from the creative cinematography, the acting is outstanding and the story is compelling and the characters are deep. You really feel for these characters and understand their struggles.



3. THE THEORY OF EVERYTHING
Rated: PG-13
Stars: Eddie Redmayne, Felicity Jones, David Thewlis
Plot: The story of the life and marriage of Stephen Hawking
Trailer


Eddie Redmayne should not only be nominated for the Best Actor Oscar, but we should just go ahead and give him the statue now. His performance is astounding. He transforms into Stephen Hawking.

Felicity Jones may get an Oscar nod as well and if so, it will be well-deserved.

This movie is brilliant, heartwarming, heartbreaking and inspiring all at once. Even if you are not a fan of Stephen Hawking, this film will still entertain you.



2. THE GRAND BUDAPEST HOTEL
Rated R
Stars: Ralph Fiennes, Jude Law, Willem Dafoe, F. Murray Abraham, Jeff Goldblum, Bill Murray, Edward Norton
Plot: A world-class concierge trains his protege in the ways of hotel service while going on a fantastic adventure.
Trailer

This may be Wes Anderson's best work yet. Ralph Fiennes is spectacular as are many of the other peculiar characters throughout the film. If forced to put this movie into a category, I'd have to call it a dark comedy, but it is much more than that.

The plot is uniquely interesting, the music is outstanding and, it wouldn't surprise me at all for this film to get an Oscar nod for cinematography. Every scene in this movie is framed like a beautiful painting.



THE BEST OF THE BEST


1. THE IMITATION GAME
Rated: PG-13
Stars: Benedict Cumberbatch, Keira Knightley
Plot: A British mathematician works to break the German's code to help the allies win the war.
Trailer

This is easily my top film of the year. Benedict Cumberbatch gives a masterful performance as does Keira Knightley.

This movie is so highly compelling because the stakes are so high, and this cast delivers the intensity to the audience every step of the way.

Without giving anything away I will say that the scene following their success is one of the most powerful, gut-wrenching and heart-breaking scenes I have ever seen. This is truly a masterpiece that should be seen by all.





The Worst of 2014

Dishonorable Mentions: 

These films were really bad, just not horrible enough to sink into my bottom 10.

THE BEST OF ME

TRANSCENDENCE
TRANSFORMERS: AGE OF EXTINCTION
UNDER THE SKIN



My Worst 10 Films of 2014

10. DRACULA UNTOLD

Rated: PG-13
Stars: Luke Evans, Sarah Gadon, Dominic Cooper
Plot: Vlad The Impaler defies the Turks and takes desperate measures to protect his family and his followers from war
Trailer


The plot is jumpy, the action scene are all shot with shaky camera, and the ending is cringe-worthy.

The most disappointing aspect of this film is that it bases it's story in the reality of Vlad The Impaler, but the movie makes him a sympathetic character. If you know anything about the real Vlad The Impaler, he was anything but sympathetic.




9. TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES
Rated: PG-13
Stars: Megan Fox, Will Arnett
Plot: The four turtle brothers must work together to bring down the criminal rule of Shredder.
Trailer


This is one of this reboots that nobody asked for, but Hollywood made it anyway. The turtles are creepy, the story is tired, Megan Fox still can't act, and the action scenes move and jump so fast it's hard to tell what is going on.

Older fans are going to be turned off by the sheer stupidity of the film and it is too intense for the under 8 crowd.



8. THE BOXTROLLS
Rated: PG
Stars: Ben Kingsley, Isaac Hempstead Wright, Elle Fanning
Plot: A young boy and girl try to convince their town that the trolls that live below are not vicious monsters, but an evil exterminator stands in their way.
Trailer


Much of this movie has to do with cheese, so I will stick with that theme here. The plot has more holes that Swiss cheese, it stinks worse than Munster, and it's cheesier than a seven cheese tortellini.

Basically, this movie is not Gouda. (If you thought this review was bad, go see the movie. You'll nominate this for a Pulitzer). 




7. INTO THE STORM
Rated - PG-13
Stars: Richard Armitage, Sarah Wayne Callies, Matt Walsh
Plot: A massive outbreak of tornadoes has people running for their lives.
Trailer

I'm sure the planning meeting for this film included a brain-storming session with the title, "Forget About Plot And Continuity, What Cool Things Can A Tornado Destroy?"

Without giving away anything that the trailer didn't already show us, my favorite eye-rolling scene is when the massive, climactic uber-tornado hits the small-town airport and takes out a half-dozen 747's. Apparently, Silverton, Oklahoma is a major international hub.



6. LUCY
Rated: PG-13
Stars: Scarlett Johansson, Morgan Freeman
Plot: A young woman is drugged and as a result is able to tap into 100% of her brain's capacity.
Trailer

Luc Besson, writer and director of LUCY, needs to get some people on his team that are willing to tell him "no"...quickly. I'd be hard pressed to try to come up with another movie that falls apart so thoroughly in the last 20 minutes. (Except for the #5 movie on this list).

The first hour of this film is actually pretty exciting despite the preachiness and plot holes. My recommendation is, if you really must see this in theaters, watch until Lucy lands in Paris. At that point, get up, walk out of the theater, go get some coffee with a friend and come up with your own ending to the movie. I guarantee you that your ending will be way better than the actual ending.



5. INTERSTELLAR
Rated: PG-13
Stars: Matthew McConaughey, Anne Hathaway, Jessica Chastain, Michael Cain
Plot: A former pilot is sent on a journey into space to find a new planet for humans because the earth is becoming uninhabitable.
Trailer

I can't even begin to tell you how bad the last 30 minutes of this film were. I sat in stunned silence, mouth agape. I couldn't believe my eyes. How could a Christopher Nolan film with such an incredible cast, and Oscar-worthy acting I might add, fall apart like a spaceship flying into a black hole?

There were several moments in the first 2:15 of the film that were odd, like story jumps and plot holes, but I was willing to overlook all of that because the film was so epic. Now I can't unsee any of it.

If you really must see this film, (and I can't really blame you because the trailers make it look so good), just watch until they launch the robot into the black hole. At that point, get up and run out of the theater. You will be so much happier. 


4. NOAH
Rated: PG-13
Stars: Russell Crowe, Emma Watson, Jennifer Connelly, Anthony Hopkins
Plot: A man is told by God to build a massive ship in order to save his family and animals from a world-destroying flood.
Trailer


It feels like Aronofsky read a children's version of the Noah story, realized he had enough material for a 15 minute film, then filled up two more hours of preaching about how humans mess up the earth and why animals are better than humans.


Putting aside the issues bible believing people will have with this film, it's just not a very good movie. It's slow moving, it's preachy, and the special effects are sub par for a movie of this magnitude.


3. A HAUNTED HOUSE 2
Rated: R
Stars: Marlon Wayans, Jaime Pressly
Plot: Malcolm has finally moved on from his possessed ex, but strange things start happening when his new girlfriend and her kids move in.
Trailer


If you saw the first one, you've already seen this film. And believe it or not, this flick is actually worse than the first one.

It's full of the same sex and racial jokes that are slightly funny at best, but most of the time they are just tired.


2. THE GAMBLER
Rated: R
Stars: Mark Wahlberg, Jessica Lange, John Goodman, Brie Larson
Plot: A university professor with a gambling addiction has one week to pay back a quarter of a million dollars to loan sharks.
Trailer


THE GAMBLER is full of spectacular acting in a spectacularly bad flick. This is one of those films where I feel like I saw a completely different movie than most of the critics. I've seen many of them raving about this film, but I just don't get it.

This movie got so long, boring and annoying that near the end I was hoping the main character would get hit by a bus and the credits would roll. 


THE WORST OF THE WORST


1. A MILLION WAYS TO DIE IN THE WEST
Rated: R
Stars: Seth MacFarlane, Charlize Theron. Liam Neeson
Plot: A meek farmer must stand up to a rough cowboy to fight for the woman he loves.
Trailer


If you are in the mood for a completely mindless, boring, useless flick full of juvenile humor this film will still disappoint you. I can't stress enough how bad this movie is. Seth MacFarlane wrote, directed, produced and starred in it, and apparently he didn't have anyone around him willing to tell him "no".

MacFarlane must have compromising pictures of Liam Neeson and Charlize Theron or they owe him a huge debt. Those are the only plausible explanations as to why they would be in a horrific train-wreck of a movie like this.

The best thing about A MILLION WAYS TO DIE IN THE WEST is that it is so bad there is zero chance we will have to see Seth MacFarlane screwing up the OSCARS again.

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